Happy Ending?

"There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start."

Coming across this quote at this stage in my life seems pretty fitting. As things come to a close nostalgia kicks and everything and everyone becomes submerged in a feeling of unease, anxiousness and finality. I understand the end of high school is not the end just yet but the beginning of a new journey but I can't help but dwell on the past.

This will be the end of our childhood.

We will no longer be children relying on the adults around.

The end of simple.

'Endings are the saddest part' is the line that sticks with me. It doesn't matter how fitting it is to whatever story to who-ever's tale, endings are the finality leaving no room for possibilities. In life the only ending we will get is death but we can make it a happy journey and fill it with happy memories keeping in mind that even our tragedies are nothing compared to the end. This is another thought I will be keeping close to my heart this year; my childhood days filled with silly mistakes are still here. I'll make the most of it, live everyday as a child and stop pretending to be an adult as I'll get there soon enough.

Two Years Later

After a hectic two years I am trying to re-rediscover my passion to write, I have to say 're-rediscover' as this was the initial motif for this blog. I apologize profusely and I promise to try to be more frequent when writing posts.

These past few years not only have I been busy with school but I have also spent this time forming opinions and building on my charter. Slowly but surely I am trying to figure out who I am and what I'd like to do with me life, my likes and dislikes, what type of person I am in general. Previously I didn't plan any of my posts but wrote what I thought at the top of my head, I thought this would be the charm of my posts, the uncensored spur of the moment ideas.

But spontaneity can only get a person so far with thought sounding self obsessed therefore I've decided I am changing my posts slightly. I want to be able to voice my opinions on the subjects I feel passionately about; an essay/post format of my everyday thoughts.

So one again this is my in my little World.

Let's Talk About L.O.V.E!

So at this ripe age in my life of course you're going to have people, girl or boy say to a girl or boy, that they love them. It's one thing being told by your mum that they 'Love You' and another to be told by the person you like/are friends with/ someone that likes you. In the last 3 weeks my friend... let's call him Gordon has been a little too friendly with the phrase 'you don't love me anymore'. Now if you don't know the story behind Gordon you'd be confused. You see I've liked Gordon for about 3 years but add him asking me out and me asking him out then him fancying my friend well... it gets a bit  messy, then me finally 'moving on' and getting a boyfriend this is when he thinks its the best time to use this phrase. He isn't normally a clingy guy but he has been... a little irritating!... Sorry going off topic. So every time he'd say this I'd respond with ' I do love you, but as a friend'. I don't say anything I don't honestly mean (I say stuff without thinking but at least I still mean it) and I knew I loved him but not so sure as to what..... (don't worry I can say this now, I'm back to my single status!)

But then a few weeks later the boy I thought fancied my sister told me he loved me (yes, LOVE not LIKE).  Me being me replied with 'Aaaaw, tnx' (yes, that is EXACTLY what I said). Some of you may cringe at that and say I'm a horrible person but I -in my 15 years on earth, always having something to say- could not think of anything to reply with so quickly left and hoped to avoid him at all costs. Lovely *sarcasm intended*.

But in our day and age we use the phrase 'I love....' too loosely. We say i about food, clothes, movies, actors, the list goes on. I'm not saying we don't know what it's like to love and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with saying you love something. But what I am  saying is (in my opinion) we should only actually say that 'I love....' when you actually do love that person or thing. As they say, empty words mean nothing their just words.

Who are you?

Who are you? Are you who you think you are, or are you the person society says you are? What really defines a person? I used to have a clear idea of who I was, I thought of myself as mature for my age but preferred to hide that from my friends. I liked them to think I was witty and outgoing and just crazy but which of these are me?

Does your name and place define you? Or is society what makes you? You see I have a friend that says she says all that bravado she has is all pretend that on the inside she's just as insecure as the next person. But... is that really true? I'm sure at some point the two will end up becoming part of you, that in the end you are both... but then that just gets confusing as that that would mean that you would be contradicting yourself all the time leading you to be bipolar as you switch form one to the other.

Then there's what you do in situations, you could make yourself seem like the good guy but have the wrong reasons and then ou could seem like the bad guy even though to you it was what you thought was best. Take a 'criminal', say they stole money from the bank to help give their children a good life. Would you say that person was good or bad? And would your opinion really matter? Would the 'criminal's' opinion count?

I have no answer to this and am no where near finding it out and quite frankly writing just writing 3 and a bt paragraphs I have a head ache.So, what defines a person?

Childhood Days

I know it's been said before: I miss being a child; I didn't care about what people thought and vain unnecessary things. I miss the naivety of being a child, being a child meant everything was striped down, all confusion and complicatedness gone. You didn't care about our appearance, who you were with, no worry about the future. And I hate how life has made us into creatures that worry, are confused and a complicated mess. I know that no one out there thinks there life is perfect, everyone has baggage.

But why do we have to worry? Why do we have to change? Is it a way of survival, something we've evolved to do? A child, any child, is pure and honest. It doesn't matter how they are brought up by and what they'll become, everyone as a child was straight forward and to the point. Personally I think we should get more advice from children than we should 'adults', yes they know better but a child has a fresh straight to the point mind.

I started to think this way as I've just had work experience. I was in a primary school working with reception and nursery and the saying 'stop acting childish' came to mind. These children there (in my opinion) we're better people than those older than them. Thy showed what they felt, they didn't hide anything and they we'e free. They said anything that came to mind and tried their best with everything they did.

This made me think of my younger self, how I used to run around naked (don't judge I was 3)  and have no care about it. I was just being me. I made friends and trusted to easily, everything was simple and that made me want to stop 'growing up', at the age of 10 I think thats when the best years of your life have finished. Why does society make us into these insecure people? What is the point of second guessing ourselves?

 So I ask you all to at the very least have one day (even maybe every other month) to just let go, I want you to run around as if you have no control over your limbs, ask that person out because you like them and tell them how you feel, do something just 'cause you want to and not care what others thought. GO crazy and relive your childhood days.

Optomism

Everyone tells me I'm an optimist, I like to be happy and think it's a waste of time and energy looking at the doom and gloom. But when you think about it everyone's an optimist.

In life there's only 3 certain things; being born; having your life affected by money; and death. Can you sorta see it now? The only things in our life that are completely certain of aren't really something you'd look forward to but people still climb put of bed in the morning and do something. It doesn't have to be productive, it could be anything: sitting down, watching tv, going to school/work. The main thing is your breathing and haven't given up.

I'll admit I've not exactly been all sunshine lately and have thought about suicide and have come close to it. But I couldn't do it, as much as everything was killing me on the inside I kept thinking about my sister, what would happen to her. So whatever you say there will always be something to live for that's why people are optimists, they look at the future and live for something. Everyones scared to die, ergo wanting to live and looking at the bright side.

So smile and see the world in a new way.

Hello World

My pen name, Nina Borbajo. But you can call me Nina. I've spent years writing, writing and writing but these past year or so I lost my passion. call it teenage hormones filling my brain with the delusional thought that every boy fancied you and everyone else hated you. Well I'm done I'm over it, it's annoying and there are a lot more things more important to me; the environment, the meaning of life and just little things that I've always been so passionate about.

So, a brief account of my life so far. I am a 15 year old girl, black hair that can sometimes it can look like a browny-red and for some reason sometimes reason (or maybe it might just be my colour blind friends) blue, tanned skin, brown eyes and exactly 5 foot.From that description you'll probably guess I'm from the Philippines. Yh, I moved to England at the young impressionable age of 7 and I'm still here till present day.

I like sunny days with a cool breeze, picnics with my friends, reading and just making the most of life. I like to think we're part of something bigger, a domino in the reaction. Something greater than what our eyes can see, but then you look out and sometimes you feel a wall crashing on you. Reality. But you have to keep your eyes and your mind open and you can find a new world (... so they say in the Bridge to Terahbethia)

Right now I'm doing my GCSEs and putting everything I have in my work. I know what I want I I sure as hell will get it.

Nice meeting you, this is Nina and welcome to my world. xoxo